Quotes - 2007 (Jan - April)

You’re like a warm fuzzy sweater in a sea of stuffed shirts. – Janine to Gary M. (2/2/07)

If that doesn’t prove to you that intelligence is not valued at Clarian, I don’t know what will. – Pam to Taunie re: Frank’s promotion to VP of Finance for downtown hospitals (2/2/07)

I'm not sure what surprised me more. Him getting promoted or his wife having sex with him 3 times. – Brian Hetz re: Frank’s promotion and the announcement noting his three children (2/2/07)

A memo sent out by human resources, which some workers received Wednesday, said Colts decorations are not to be placed in hallways, waiting rooms, public areas, elevators, work areas, nursing units, vehicles and patient-care areas. "Should you have a personal work area, you may exhibit some understated item(s) to show your support." – from Indy Star article (http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200770201029) regarding Clarian’s limit on Colts decorations in the days before the Super Bowl (2/2/07)

Every once in awhile (OK, sometimes more often than that), a news story comes along to remind you how lucky you are to work for your current employer, and not your former employer. Thanks Indy Star for publishing this, and thanks Clarian for staying the same. – Spider Pam, responding to article in Indy Star (see above) (2/2/07)

Ed is a big hole. — CIBER employee in response to another CIBER employee asking where the big hole was in our project communications. "Ed" (not his real name) is the client project manager (3/1/07)

Do you know who Charles Barkley is? He’d like to be skinny, too. – Brian Hetz in response to Taunie’s request to see a process in a flow chart (3/2/07)

We are a stoic people. — CIBER client who shall remain unnamed explaining why they don’t want little buttons with the project logo on them, or anything fun included in the project’s change management program. (3/20/07)

Your printer is not being stolen, it is being creatively repositioned. – heard in a project meeting. The printer was actually taken from the person’s office and put in a training room. (4/04/07)

It must be good beer; it’s in the Bible! – Ciber Chuck referring to Guinness Beer. (4/04/07)

Dictionary - the beginning

Adminisphere – the rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve; examples:
· Checking adminispheric conditions
· A high adminispheric pressure system moving in
· Changing adminispheric conditions
· Storms happening high up in the adminisphere and their affect on the ground
· The air gets thinner the higher up you go in the adminisphere

Airported – state of being held in airport limbo; the airlines have you and won’t let you go until you cry “Uncle” or give up and rent a car

Batman Complex – the illness suffered by someone who attaches multiple devices (i.e. pager, cell phone, BlackBerry) to his or her waist, as if creating a personal utility belt (contributed by Tom Heldt)

Brian-ism – off-hand remark, curious analogy, or casual philosophy offered in the spirit of Brian Hetz (as in “Lunch is lunch, and night is night.” –Pam Clark; or, “I’m going to let that problem work itself out.” –Dilbert, upon finding an employee had passed away at his desk)

Dynamic – dumb; as in, “You are a really dynamic person, Stanley.”

ESC – stands for Executive Steering Committee, or Escape, as in “There’s no ESC from the ESC meeting without termination.”

Franch dressing – what happens when you mix French and Ranch dressings.

Frenish – combination of French and Spanish; as in, “Gracias, Mon Cherie.”

GNO Group – (Girls’ Night Out Group) women who are currently or formerly associated with Clarian Health (as employees, consultants, or friends of employees/consultants), who have been bonded by their shared (sometimes traumatic) Clarian experiences, meet for monthly nights out and random lunches as schedules permit, and stay in almost constant contact via e-mail from their various locations and employers around the country to trade stories, share support, and submit new list-worthy items for review

Got to! – answer for any question beginning with “Why…” (from Jackson, Pattie’s grandson)

Grood – better than good, but not quite great

Internal Oatess (aka Ed Emotus) – nickname for Adam Oatess, Internal Audit

Jim Beam Sagel – nickname for Jim Sagel; go out drinking with him once and you’ll know why

Jim Beam Sagel Company Picnic - what happens when management allows only one alcoholic drink per employee at the annual company picnic (see photo)

Lipstick on a Pig – the phrase that won’t go away, even referenced visually in articles about ERP systems

List-worthy – a term or quote that is deemed clever or funny, or especially appropriate to the situation by a member of the GNO Club, and worth recording for future reference

Nervous Nellie – nickname of bosses who are afraid to give their employees bad news for fear of crying, yelling, or any other form of freaking out

OTOBOS – “On Time, On Budget, On Scope. This definition of what makes a project successful misses out on quality, happy stakeholders, and a whole host of stuff, but it’s a good starting point” (from A Girl’s Guide to Project Management, http://www.pm4girls.co.uk/).

Pat – the mystery person who holds and reads e-mail between St. Vincent, CIBER, and Clarian, sending it on in random intervals and order from how it was originally sent. Will your time-sensitive lunch-related e-mail be delivered today or will your friends eat an entire bowl of white cheese before they realize you are missing? Only Pat knows for sure!

Shoe show – establishments that display models wearing nothing but shoes – so as not to distract from the beauty of the shoes, we’re sure; what Michele and Cheri got to see when they were kidnapped

Stackables – female companions of very short stature for a male who is very tall – and we’re just going to leave it at that

SWAD – System Working As Designed…or…System Without Appropriate Design – it’s just a matter of perspective (contributed by the Soarian project team at SVH)

TNS – Twisted Nursery School; aka Clarian

TNSnames file – mapping of the pupils at the Twisted Nursery School and their known aliases

Trick-or-Treater – someone who stops by a vendor booth just to get the freebies (from Bill Getty, sales big-wig at CIBER)

VD – vaginal discrimination (but vaginal is pronounced va-JI-nul); it’s what happens when women aren’t given opportunity to advance or are assumed less capable simply based on their lack of possession of a wee-wee

Verbal table pounding – the verbal equivalent of pounding your fists on the table and yelling at people about the impending Doom and Gloom of a project due to the incompetence of the colossally stupid

WWJD – no, not what you think! It stands for “Water Would be Just Dandy,” part of Stacy’s One-Step Program.