Thoughts peed the bed. – said first by Pam’s grandma, and now by all of us!
I’m Controller. I can do whatever I want. - Spoken by the project sponsor at a business process re-design session, regarding her unwillingness to follow current procedures for T&E, or be subject to proposed future procedures for everyone else to go paperless
I will have Ruby do this when she gets up from her nap. – Greg Finch
When he’s sober, Jim (Sagel) is like the most normal person who works here. – Katy, CIBER practice admin, after playing for Pam a drunken voice mail left by Jim on Paul Benvenutti’s cell phone.
Life Lesson #101: Don’t leave auditory evidence of your condition behind for the enjoyment of those who didn’t witness it first hand! – Pam, see above
Cerner is bad. There’s just no way around that simple fact. – Pam (4/10/06)
I have a 1:00 mgrs meeting with MKMD, SHMDSPD, Mr. Noodle, and Chicken Little…so it’s a wonderful day here at Clarian. – Taunie, at the Twisted Nursery School (5/2/06)
Gracias... mon cheri .... that's what you call Frenish. – Janine Smith, SVH (5/11/06)
This topic will go on forever. Just like that song from Titanic. – Janine Smith, SVH, referring to the discussions about why daily productivity can not happen without IT support for the system (5/15/06)
Place bets now! – from TV show Banzai, official game show of CIBER (see description below)
This is – so far, anyway – as ridiculous as network television gets. And those of higher sensibilities may be advised to look elsewhere for their evening’s entertainment. But viewers willing to check their brains at the door will find that Banzai has an unpredictable and cheeky irreverence reminiscent of The Gong Show. It’s like a car wreck: you are horrified but you can’t look away. – review of Banzai found on-line, complete with reference to CIBER
Lunch is lunch, and night is night. – Pam, channeling Brian Hetz (6/13/06)
It reminds me of the dogs barking in the neighborhood. One of them starts barking and before you know it, they are all barking, and none of them knows what they are barking at. – Brian Hetz, explaining the “cloudy” nature of some of the conversations in the Clarian ESC meetings (6/28/06)
Why are we the only people in the history of Clarian who actually had to work out their notices? I mean, we had more access and capacity for evil than Michael Wright every dreamed of! – Pam, referring to Clarian’s decision to release Michael Wright, IT executive, from serving out his 90-day notice (6/30/06)
I guess this is all FUBAR’ed. – Brian Hetz, referring to scheduling challenges in Outlook (7/19/06)
I assume no capacity for guilt there. I told him "you sold my soul to the devil" and he said "yeah, I know. Hey, can you..." – Pam, referring to Harold B. (8/29/06)
Who knows? Where do they all go? They work their way into your hotel room, watch a dirty movie on your tab, then disappear without so much as a butt wiggle. Men! Poor Pattie! – Pam, in response to the question “Where did Tim (Nicholson) go?” (it’s a long story…) (9/11/06)
I did have to give a urine sample. My keyboard’s never been the same since. – Janine, explaining the process to apply for online banking (10/5/06)
I'll keep my Lawson shirt on. – Al Gebhardt, Lawson, responding to inquiries about new GLUG shirts (10/6/06)
This is Oz and you are the Wizard!!!! – marquee screen saver on Lawson trainer’s laptop (10/10/06)
Presto Jingo! – Mike Cannon, SVH (10/12/06)
Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee. – Wally (from the Dilbert comic strip); of course, coffee can be replaced with Diet Coke, if you like… (10/18/06)
Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? It’s hard work cooking those books. – Gary R., SVH, daily, at approximately 4:45pm, except on Fridays
Have you finished cooking those books yet? You should take the rest of the week off. - Gary R., SVH, Fridays, 4:45pm
It was like Bizarro Lawson. – Dean Hager, referring to his first meeting with Intentia to discuss a merger; and yes, he was referencing the Bizarro Seinfeld episode. (10/23/06)
Game on! – Stacy (and Cheri) making renewed daily (sometimes hourly) commitment to the path of health, wellness, and good food choices.
I think getting an apology from Izzy is something you either have to do on the spot before his crayon changes, or give up on. Otherwise, it's far too painful to sit and explain to him what he did (he's obviously forgotten) so that you can extract an apology. It's like telling someone to send you flowers on your birthday; if you have to ask, what's the point? – Pam (11/16)
Unprecedented levels of unverifiable productivity. – Dilbert
When you’re riding down the highway on your bike, no one wants to reach out and toot your horn. Sometimes you just have to do it yourself. – Janine
It’s like “Pimp my Excel.” – Stacy describing the effect of Hyperion and Lawson Excel add-ins and all the great things they allow you to do
We’re the Commodores – we sing the “Come, come, adore him.” – Stacy describing her part in one of the choir’s Christmas songs (12/15/06)
One pedal to the floor at all times, that’s my theory. – Nancy Gayle’s driving philosophy (12/15/06)
