Listed below you will find terms commonly heard in association with the Lawson system and particularly the Lawson never-gonna-happen upgrade project. Use this handy reference when trying to determine the meaning of words used by members of the Lawson team. This list will change and grow often, as the Luser vocabulary is constantly expanding as we seek new ways to explain the world in which we work.
- Alexander – the name used to describe someone who could share the Dumas surname, as long as the pronunciation is different
- AWSR – alphabet soup for Awesome Woman Speed Racer (04/08/05)
- Awesome Woman – term for woman when describing incredible accomplishments, no matter how big or small (04/08/05)
- Banished One – team member who is banished from the presence of others based on facial expressions made during meetings (03/24/05)
- Beautimus – a Taunie word, we think it means “Beautiful” (09/06/05)
- Beer Girls – the Change Management team – Robin, Pam, and Pattie, known to cart punch, cookies, and Change Championship throughout all of Clarian (07/01/05)
- Blah, blah, blah, blah, simplicity, blah, blah, blah – translation for anything with words over another person’s head or below their interest level – as in the case of a user hearing technical terminology or an executive hearing detailed project info; note – “simplicity” can be substituted by any simple word contained in the statement that one might latch onto because he or she actually understands it (05/16/05)
- Bodacious Brian – Brian Hetz, of course! (05/16/05)
- Boomer – executive who takes pleasure in randomly knocking you down as you try to accomplish a task and win a prize (03/10/05)
- Chuck – a question that is stupid, has already been asked and answered, or to which the one asking should know the answer; also, a person who asks such questions
- CIBER Danette – Jen Zody, Ciber’s Dan (cut-over weekend)
- CIBERians – CIBER consultants; see also Cyborgs (04/01/05)
- Clarianize – to take a process, system, or person that is in fine working condition and twist, mangle, and abuse it to the point of complete dysfunction with the intent of continued or (usually) improved functionality
- CMFL – Cambodian Midget Fighting League; or any group of people who are ill-equipped to do battle and still believe that they can win a fight against an opponent that is stronger, faster, and more prepared; examples: 42 midgets vs. 1 adult lion; Lawson Project Team vs. ESC (05/18/05)
- Consultant – may or may not know a great deal about Lawson but advice will be believed by Executives, especially if it conflicts with advice from SuperLUSERs
- Corrected in the next version – system is broken, Lawson is aware but since you haven’t upgraded in 10 years, they don’t have any sympathy for you
- Cube of Doom – cubicle that causes resident to become so frustrated with Clarian that he or she is willing to serve notice of resignation with no other current employment option (05/10/05)
- Cute Tom – (as opposed to some other Tom) Tom Heldt, ‘nuff said (05/10/05)
- Cyborgs – Ciber consultants; see also Ciberians (04/01/05)
- DOD – Den of the Damned, the home of the Lawson Business Team
- Dora – Spanish-speaking girl explorer, alias of Michele Berroth (formerly known as Maisy) (07/14/05)
- Ellen Margaret’s Rule – the rule is that everyone wants three things: cheap, good, and fast; you can have two of the three (from Dave Hesson); applies to other areas: during July and August, you need to eat, breathe, and sleep – you can have two of the three (07/19/05)
- Enterprise Automation, Tracking & Management Excellence – project name most desired by SuperLUSERs after HEAL was rejected by the executives
- End LUSER – Lawson end user; see also Luser
- Emergency Room (ER) – the other project room, since so many project team members have visited or nearly visited
- Executive – does not know a great deal about Lawson, likes to ask for input from SuperLUSERs but may not understand or follow their advice
- Frippy – general nonspecific adjective or exclamation used to answer any number of questions such as:
· How are you today? I’m feeling a little frippy right now.
· Wow, I got my expense check already. That is so frippy!
· How’s the project going? Just frippy.
· When are we ever going to start this fripping project?! (11/01/04) - Hardening – what happens to an employee when they are given more work than their central nervous system can handle (Dilbert) (03/24/05)
- HEAL – project name that certain people apparently cannot say without snickering
- Horny Monkey – drink that made several CUE attendees happy; nickname of Robin Morgan and Elizabeth Rich
- Hover – the act of standing at a short cube wall, expectantly watching the cube resident while he/she pretends not to see you (11/09/04)
- I, spider – translation: I know what you want me to do, but I choose to do something else; often followed by heh-heh-heh; see also Spider
- In my free time – another way to say that the task being referenced will never be done (12/13/04)
- In your free time– translation: drop everything else you are doing right now so you can do something for me (12/13/04)
- Insanity – job requirement for executive-level positions
- Insights – generic term for everything; same as Marclar (11/01/04)
- James – Pagoda pet; origin of the spider story; see also Special Appendix: The Spider Story (07/21/05)
- KMA Cake – Miffy’s farewell (aka kiss-my-ass) cake, which she promised to make herself (cut-over weekend)
- Knock, knock – a subtle way to call someone a control freak; see LawsonProjectQuotes.doc for full quote (07/27/05)
- Lawson Excrement Team – nickname given to the Lawson project team by an anonymous Capgemini staff member
- LID Luser – Lawson LID user; see also Luser
- Locke-ness Monster – Brian’s alias for Jason Locke
- Lucy – a person (usually executive) who holds the proverbial football only to snatch it away while you are in mid-kick, causing you to fall flat on your back (03/10/05)
- Luser – Lawson user; see also End Luser, LID Luser, Super Luser, Web Luser
- Noop – contraction of No and Poop, according to Brian
- MD – code for “Must Die”, placed after someone’s initials, it becomes a code to symbolize a person who has become such a Smart Treat that their existence can no longer be tolerated (example: MKMD). If the intolerable person persists in existing, the four-letter code can become a mantra for those forced to endure them. In cases where the person in question is particularly offensive, a second code, “aMD” may be added to represent “a Major Dumb-ass” (example: MKaMDMD)
- Materials Moment – a temporary state of indecisiveness wherein the victim cannot make even the simplest of decisions (7/6/05)
- Michele or Michelle – a name so pervasive on the project team that those holding it were renamed; see Dora, Miffy, and Shauna (07/14/05)
- Miffy – a smart little bunny; alias of Michelle Sanders (07/14/05)
- Mr. 5.Oh – An Executive in an IT area (with the word Innovations in its name) who is still running Internet Explorer 5.0 and does not have Admin rights to his machine
- MOOOOVE! – a command given to user by IT (or anyone more techie than the user in question) after all previous attempts to allow the user to help themselves have failed; at this point the more techie person takes over and does the task for them. The more simple the task (such as logging in to the network), the louder and longer the word is stretched, and is often accompanied by a loud sigh and eye roll (11/01/04)
- Moved on to better opportunities – fired
- Pagoda – name of the Lawson project room, Wile Hall 220
- Pattie-Anna – anyone who is focusing on the positive and choosing to ignore the negative, even to the point of annoying others; may also be changed to any name followed by Anna (such as Cheri-Anna, Brian-Anna, etc.); derived from Pollyanna, inspired by Pattie Erpenbach (04/08/05)
- Pattie-ize – to make a script or other document conform to standards in order to ensure consistency and ease of conversion into training material; “to make better” – Pattie Erpenbach (03/30/05)
- Philodox – Someone who loves his or her own opinion (see also: Executive and/or Consultant)
- The Powerful One – the most powerful person in a training class – the trainer; sometimes you have to make people close windows or move chairs to make this point (07/18/05)
- Purple squirrel – a user with a unique issue or setup
- QOD – dual meaning, Queen of the Damned (leader of the DOD) or Queen of Diplomacy (able to speak and still smile during Insights meetings)
- RPM Lawson – project name – Revolutionizing Performance by Mastering Lawson; also: Ruining Pam’s Mind with Lawson; Run Project Manager from Lawson; Really Poor Management of Lawson (11/17/04)
- SOB – Start of Business; no, not what you were thinking!
- Schadenfreude (SHAAD-n-froi-duh) – Pleasure derived from others' misfortunes (12/28/04)
- Separation anxiety – the state of high agitation that is felt by certain executives when an employee tries to sever his or her bond with Clarian; this is often accompanied by a period of denial if the employee persists in pursuing attempts to flee
- Shauna – from Ferris Bueller – “My name’s Jeannie, but my friends call me Shauna”; alias of Michele Tharp (07/14/05)
- Smart – stupid; see also Smart Treat (11/01/04)
- Smart Treat – a person, place, process, or event that is both stupid and a pain in the a$$; see also Smart and Treat (11/04/04)
- Spider – word to describe acts or statements that are devious or rebellious in nature, or the person responsible for the devious or rebellious act or statement; see also I, spider (11/09/04)
- Straight-up-standard – Pattie’s A+ method of training delivery
- Stupidshit – term to use when speaking to an executive when telling him that he is going down the wrong path (10/29/04)
- Super LUSER – person who has become very good at being a LUSER and is worth $40.50/hr regardless of what he or she is actually being paid; see also Luser
- Tallyho! – used by Brian Hetz to indicate agreement or energy to move forward; in other words…Now get back to work!
- Treat – term used to describe a person, place, process, or event that is a special pain to encounter or work with; as in “The Atlanta airport is such a treat.” Or “The Executive Steering Committee meeting is just a treat to attend!”; see also Smart Treat
- Undocumented feature – Lawson didn’t know it worked that way either
- Verklempt – word that Jason hates and refuses to ever use
- Voo-Doo Doctor – Mike LaCosse, the one and only; so dubbed for his mystical work with upgrade programs (5/10/05)
- WEB – What Ever Brian
- Web LUSER – Lawson web user; see also Luser
- WED – (pronunciation: weed) What Ever Dennis – frequently uttered in the DOD
- WIOI (pronunciation: we-o-ee or why-o-why)– Whatever, I’m Over It – the response frequently heard from SuperLUSERs when asked for opinions or ideas that they know will not be valued
- Wedding Planner – alternate description for the project manager, Brian Hetz (08/24/05)
- White text – words typed in e-mail in white so they are invisible to the recipient
- Woe – state of despair felt when one is expected to both perform the functions of ones job and participate in the Lawson project and realizes that not equipped to handle both due to inadequate sanity level/mental capacity/qualified staff/etc.; see also woe-ing (11/09/04)
- Woe-ing – The act of verbally expressing a state of woe (11/09/04)
- Wondermus – a Taunie word; we think it means “wonderful;” see also Beautimus (09/06/05)
- WOO – Waste Of Oxygen
- Wood grain – as in “Hey, look at that wood grain!” – a great way to abruptly change the topic of a conversation
- Working as designed – system is broken, Lawson is aware but will not admit it
Special Appendix: The Spider Story
When teaching the first day of Sunday school with kindergarteners, first graders, and one pre-schooler, the teacher asked the students to draw pictures of themselves to hang on the wall. All of the children worked diligently on their pictures except for James, the pre-schooler. His paper was covered with a big scribble with lines coming off in every direction. When the teacher asked him what it was, James replied, “I spider. Heh heh heh!” The teacher told James that was very nice, now turn the paper to the other side and this time draw a picture of himself to hang on the wall.
The teacher moved to help another student; when she looked up, there was another scribble with lots of lines on James’ paper, but this time in a different colored crayon. When the teacher asked James what he had drawn this time, she receive the same reply, “I spider. Heh heh heh!” The teacher could tell that James knew what was being asked of him, but was determined to do something different. Looking at his spider picture, the teacher took it and said, “Okay, James, we’ll hang that up here on the wall with the other pictures. You’ll be my little spider.” From then on, the term “spider” came to represent an action or a person who was slightly rebellious in nature.
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